i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
