It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize