eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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