I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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