I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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