Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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