So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
