he wants to bone in the snuggie
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
