Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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