in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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