I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
