My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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