He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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