im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
