trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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