We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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