i permit you to call me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
