Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
