I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we should paint friendship bongs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
