very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
