All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
