So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this boner is exhausting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
