So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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