is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
