Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
