So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
