1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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