I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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