I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
