didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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