someone get that fucking seahorse.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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