Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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