On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
