hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
