I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my poor anus
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
