im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
