This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
