Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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