Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
