jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
