Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
