not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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