Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
