for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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