I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize