I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
