Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
