that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
