This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want nice things and good sex
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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