I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dicks are not precious.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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