I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
