so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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