I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
