I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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