Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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