Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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