Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
