Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
