just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
