He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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