You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think people are normalizing furries
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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